Calvin at Camp: Off the Deep Ed
by Insane Guy of DOOM
Summary: With Permission from Blue Paratroop himself I can write my own Calvin at Camp fics. The Eds set off in search off the Peach Creek Creek Monster, but Calvin has other plans.


This is a dream come true, I'm finally writing a Calvin at Camp story. Something I thought impossible.

Note: I have complete permission from Blue Paratroopa himself to do this.

Disclaimer: I don't own Calvin and Hobbes, Ed, Edd n' Eddy, Foxtrot, or The Peanuts. And Calvin at Camp is completely Blue Paratroopa's.

It was yet another morning at camp for the kids; Eddy was up to his usual no-good with his latest (and most ridiculous) scam.

Eddy: Come on down to Eddy's Animal Kingdom! The greatest zoo on Earth! only 25 cents.

Everyone of course ignored the desperate con artist. They had good reasoning too; the alleged "greatest zoo on Earth" was nothing more than several cardboard made cages containing a lawn sprinkler meant to look like an iguana, a football alligator pond and perhaps the most pathetic of all was merely Ed. It seemed he was animal enough all ready for Eddy's scam.

Ed: PET ME, for I am Ed.

Double D who was serving as the "authentic zookeeper" walked up to our short friend/enemy.

Edd: Eddy, lawn sprinklers, footballs, and Ed a zoo does not make. We need something that is an actual animal.

Ed: Zippity Do Da I know what to do! (Pulls out a newspaper) We can incapacitate the Preach Creek Creek Monster.

Eddward grabbed the paper and looked at it with skepticism.

Edd: I'm sorry but this is a tabloid. Intact it's scientifically impossible for a thirty foot long aquatic reptile to even survive in that horrendously polluted ecosystem.

Ed: But it's the paper Double D. The news never lies! Just misinforms. (Grabs paper and hunches over it.) Too cool! "Bigfoot Marries Alien." Shocking.

Eddy then got that evil look in his eyes that Double D and Ed knew meant "pack your bags boys, cause were going creek monster hunting."

Edd: I'll get the necessary supplies.

Eddy: Wow, he's good.

Ed: I know. I ate a snail once.

Eddy: Don't remind me.

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Meanwhile our favorite spiky-haired six-year old and his enigmatic tiger friend Hobbes were watching Eddy's pathetic excuse for a zoo unfold in the bushes.

Calvin: Did you see the look in Eddy's eye? He gonna hurt Cressie!

Hobbes: (sarcastic) It has a name now? Calvin Edd's right there is no "Peach Creek creek monsters". That's even more ridiculous then saying were in a fan fiction written by a guy named Blue Paratroopa.

Calvin: No, we're in a fan fiction written by a guy called Insane Guy of Doom. Hey did you ever notice that if you take away first n, the s, and the e in Insane it becomes "Ian", weird. But now we have to stop the Eds! This looks like a job for Speed Calvin! Come on Hobbes.

Hobbes: This will end in disaster, I know it.

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At the creek the three con artists who shared the same name had arrived. Edd was lowering an inter tube into the water. Ed had brought the monster bait, which was a bread crumb "Because creek monster love fiber." He explained. And the leader of this group other wise known as Eddy was clad in fishing gear, he had brought a butterfly net to capture Cressie with. In other words they were terribly prepared to "incapacitate" a thirty foot long flesh eating aquatic reptile.

Calvin and Hobbes arrived at the creek a few minutes later.

Calvin: (Panting) Woo, I've got to stop being Speed Calvin so much, it's exhausting.

Hobbes: (Also panting) I know.

Our heroes spotted the Eds and Calvin took a stand.

Calvin: Eddy, I won't let you hurt Cressie!  
Eddy: I'm not gonna hurt her, just put her in a cramped fishbowl in which she'll spend the rest of her days in, in extreme agony too.

Ed: Just like my mom makes.

Edd and Hobbes: Oh, for goodness sake, THERE IS NO PEACH CREEK CREEK MONSTER!

As the tiger and twelve-year old (I'm guessing on Edd's age based on the information given in "Your Ed Here") yelled out the obvious Calvin and Ed started stammering "m,m,m,m,m,"

Eddy: What? Say it already.

Calvin and Ed: MONSTER!

Double D, Eddy, and Hobbes turned around to see a huge reptilian head emerging from the creek.

Double D, Eddy, Hobbes: MONSTER!

The five ran screaming back to the safety of camp, completely forgetting all the supplies left behind. It was only after they were long gone did the "monster" open it tremendous mouth to reveal… Jason and Marcus?

Jason: That was great! (breaks out laughing)

Marcus: I know (laughs uncontrollable) I think Eddy wet himself!  
Jason: That was classic!

Marcus: One of the greatest moments of the series!

Jason: Even better than when we created "Robot Pirate Santa"!

Little did the laughing nerds know, lounging next to them was a thirty foot long flesh eating aquatic reptile.

Cressie: I'll say.

Jason and Marcus: AHHHHH! MONSTER! (They jump out of their fake monster and run screaming just as the others had.)

Cressie: What? Hasn't anyone seen a thirty foot long flesh eating aquatic reptile before?

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Originally I had toyed with the idea of Eddy getting Bowser to pose as Cressie (he would get 50 of the profits) and have the kids mistake Bowser for a terrorist again forming an angry mob, then it I had it end with Calvin and Hobbes posing as the monster scaring the Eds away then to be scared by Jason and Marcus and so on. But I feel this ending is the funniest. Also science this is not in the same format as the other stories but in my weird half story half script format (it's a Halfa like Danny tee hee) anyone who wants to change it into Calvin at Camp format can, just pm the new version to moi (I'm a Muppet fan too, is there no end to what I like, yes I hate anime and manga for one thing). So see you next time readers with the next adventure for Calvin, Hobbes, Jason, Marcus, and the Eds with "Brining Down the Mouse" an instant classic it will be.


End file.
